Dear Budda,
So I noticed you looked at me in english today. What a sensation! I think it's great you have stunning good looks, and a famous music making actress as your "special someone". What a joy! The envy in my heart sparks nothing compared to the gleaming spead of gel in your sparkly spikey hair! My life was but a mere wisper before your entrance into it, for my LIONS are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh! Your gleaming eyes are like round pools of Gingerbeer, mixed with the essence (4 Liters to be precise) of Guarana, like windows into your pure, abundantly fruitful, wholesome, good, chili-like soul. Camels. Zebras. Horsies. Lions. The legs of these are nothing in comparison to even a glimpse of any of your toenails. Oh the horror! Biceps of solid steel cannot even begin to describe the strength of your upper arms! Titanium, perhaps, is a more fitting piece to the mass, muscular puzzle of your body. Your brows are trimmed to perfection, as are your legs, including the deliberate ankle hairs, left to show the beauty of life, causing you to bluntly stand out amongst a crowd!
Your intellect exceeds that of the greatest thinkers in history, like Albert Einstein for example. He tried and tried again to stand out, and to be smart, but in the eyes of those that have bore witness to you, he is but a speck of dust! A FAILURE! Your lips, like the bowels of a factory, created for the sole purpose of giving mortals a taste of fried chicken, LORD HAVE MERCY! are finger lickin' good. Your abs are ok. Keep up the great inking stuff, it's working really well y'know! With practice, you can be as great as the great Leonardo Da'vinchi! Or any other one of the Ninja turtles! I'm running out of time. Time, what a friggen draconian. who needs it? Keep fighting vampires, young "male" (self proclaimed) popstars, trolls, and things of the like. Speaking of which, your fighting skills are that of one who was raised as a bloodthirsty Israelite, aiming to conquer imaginary locations like "Middle earth". I just realized, your favorite color's RED!!!! Let's go get some BBQ and get BUSY!

Your pal, 
-JOHNNY

PS. Nice BOOTS!